Mark, a friend from High school, called me a couple of months ago and asked for help. ”It happened to me again”, he said, ”and I don’t know why!”. Mark was in the middle of negotiating with a potential new customer. The discovery call and demo went well, both parties generated great results in the workshops and the negotiations went smoothly without any complications. Everything looked like a win-win situation, but surprisingly on the final call the customer refused to sign the contract. I believe this is a situation we have all experienced. I met with Mark and we reviewed all the recorded calls he made with Zoom. I quickly realized that Mark had done a good job, at least at first glance.
Taking a second look, however, it became clear what Mark had done wrong. To put it simply - he only listened to the words that were spoken, instead of reading his customer. This is a very common mistake in sales. When we talk to other people, most of the time we pay attention to the spoken word only, trying to interpret the meaning behind what we hear but forget to check whether the words and body language are matching. The secret of sales is not just asking the right question, but rather understanding how to read people and see if their body is standing behind the words their mouth is speaking.
There is a saying that “the truth is in the eye of the beholder” (also the beauty, but that’s a different story). There is a lot of truth in this saying when it comes to communication between people. It is especially relevant when it comes to negotiations, because it is almost impossible for us to have 100% control of our eye movements at all times. That is why the observation of the eyes is an indispensable indicator to finding out how the negotiations are being “seen” by our counterpart. The better we understand the eye movements, the more we are getting additional information about the person or the project, information that is not being told to us directly.
If we want to have results we never had before, we need to start doing things we never did before! Because if we do what everybody else is doing, we will get the results everybody else is getting.
When you are talking to people, pay attention to where their eyes go. If someone is avoiding direct eye contact with you, analyse why. It doesn't necessarily mean that this person is hiding something important from you or lying. In most cases it is a sign of being misunderstood, intimidated, shy, unsure or simply the person we are talking to knows they don't have the power to make decisions. As soon as you notice this behavior, observe what happens when they avoid direct eye contact. It is important that you observed the following 5 typical eye movements and know what they mean:
Eyes go left up
If a person is moving their eyes left up it means that they try to remember something from the past or add some memories to the current situation. This reaction is often seen when your communication partner connects the past with the present
Eyes go right up -
If a person is moving their eyes right up it means they are constructing an image. The right side of the brain is our creative area which helps us visualize things. This reaction is often seen when your communication partner connects the present with the future.
Eyes go left bottom
If they move their eyes left bottom it means that they are having an internal dialog and thinking about an unspoken conflict. This reaction is often seen when your communication partner’s beliefs are different to what they hear from you.
Eyes go right bottom
If they move their eyes right bottom it means they are connecting the spoken words to feelings. This reaction is often seen when your communication partner is connecting their feelings to the situation you are talking about.
Eyes go straight down
If a person is moving their eyes straight down it means they are reaching a border of cooperation. This reaction is often seen when your communication partner is uncomfortable in the situation or the point of the conversation.
Indeed, it takes a long time to learn and master this and it is not easy, because eye movements are so-called “micro-expressions”. This means movements which often last less than one or two seconds. Nevertheless, you should pick up this knowledge because the combination of the spoken word and the eye movement can show you the real way your negotiation is going.
Mark took the time he needed to learn. Since our meeting, he watches every recorded Zoom meeting a second or third time and checks whether the eye movements match the spoken words. Last week he called me again and told me amazing things. Not only did his closing rate increase significantly, but he now understands “where” and above all “why” he lost his former potential customers. Now that he is paying more attention to the eye movements and recognizing the "real" meaning behind the words, he is able to influence the conversation much faster and steer it back to the right track.
And one more tip for the road:
Pay more attention to whether the next negotiation partner is left or right handed. Scientists have found more creative people tend to be left-handed and that their creative right hemisphere is more dominant than with right-handers. This is why left-handers feel more sympathy in visionary and emotional negotiations than right-handers. That means, if their eyes move a couple of times up right, you are on the best way to close this customer.
If you find my tips valuable but still don't know exactly how implementing them, I’m inviting you to write me an email and you will get a training session free of charge - how to take your specific challenge and form together a path to success. My email is: chris@forty-two.digital